


Of Another Sort

by AlmaArachnidFriendEmpress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Issues, Gen, Mother-Son Relationship, Neglected Harry Potter, Pre-Hogwarts, Single Parents, Young Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26652721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmaArachnidFriendEmpress/pseuds/AlmaArachnidFriendEmpress
Summary: Six year old Harry Potter's dream comes true: he's taken away from his abusive relatives, and into the care of a young woman, Asha Lorr. He gets his own room, toys, a seat at the dinner table - a whole wonderful new life. And a wonderful new mom too. But what is the reality of this new life when it's not being looked out upon from inside the starry eyes of the child?
Kudos: 12





	1. Meeting Him

** August 15, 1886 **

"Hey, kid."

That was how Asha Lorr introduced herself to Harry Potter.

The twenty-eight year old woman squatted down in front of him, arms resting on her knees, looking him in the face. _Hard to believe he's just six years old_ , she thought, pitying.

"Hi," Harry said, soft and high. Those green eyes wide behind ugly broken glasses.

Asha squirmed inside, looking away as she spoke next. "So, I'm going to be taking you home with me here. You're going to live with me, I'm going to be your new...mom." The word was so foreign on her tongue, rough and course to even form. But she did it, for him. She had to _try_ for him - unlike her own mother, who'd never tried for _her_ in all those years... "Anyways, can you walk all right, or am I going to just have to carry you around?" She really had no clue if parents even were still supposed to do that at this age - was six too big, too late, or was it fine? Hell, how did any of this work...?

"I c-can walk, ma'am!"

Asha breathed relief, standing up straight. "Great, great. Here - let's get you home." She grabbed the boy's hand and disapparated promptly from St. Mungo's.

They reappeared in Asha's living room.

Harry stared all around, wide eyed as ever.

Asha made to let him go and walk away, but he was still clinging to her - there was a big JERK on her arm, and the kid let out a cry and fell over against her legs. She looked down at him there, confused more than anything. Did normal kids _do this_? She'd never even dared to try touching her mother, for any amount of time. For any reason. Her first and only time trying to jump into her lap for a hug on the sofa had ended up with her mother waving her wand and sending her floating back onto the floor, a look on her face Asha still couldn't forget...

She blinked, shaking her head and looking the kid over again. She reached down to grab his wrist, prying his hand from hers. She gave him a little push and stepped away. She breathed, relaxing. "Okay, kid, I'm going to show you your room now. We'll eat dinner at..." What time was even good for that? She'd always eaten whenever - as a kid herself, and in her life since. It was going to be hard to form any consistent habit there, she thought. But she had to try, didn't she? "Six," she settled for, after a glance at the clock (it was 5:32). "Got it? Just come on down to the kitchen when you want to eat. I'll have something for you."

Harry's eyes were practically sparkling. His little face was pure worship - and disbelief.

"Yeah...so, your room..." Asha started for the hallway - gave a half glance back to see the kid was following her. So he _could_ walk on his own; that was good, really. She stopped at the second door on the left and flung it open. "Here it is - all ready to go," she told him, discomforted. It had taken her a few days to sort out, prepare. She didn't know what kids liked, what _this_ kid would like, and she didn't...

The kid seemed to like it just fine. He rushed into the room with excitement and wonder on his face. He went to the bed and touched every inch of it. He toyed with the nightstand and the little lamp on it. He snatched up and hugged the little stuffed animals she'd bought for him.

"Are you good in here?" Asha spoke, shifting on her feet. "Are you...going to be okay for a bit? Until- dinner?" That was how a good, normal parent sounded, right? That was the sort of thing they'd ask their kid? _Her_ mother had never cared how she was doing, or how she felt about anything; Asha figured that just by trying to do the opposite of her mother, she'd do all right with this kid. Or at least, better than her mother with her. And that was good, wasn't it?

Harry gave her a big grin and a nod, falling back onto the bed and curling up there.

"Great! Anyways...see you at dinner?" Asha drew a breath and closed the door, walking away back down the hall.

There. She'd done it. She was _sure_ she had - all the right things.

 _That wasn't too bad, really,_ she reflected, slumping onto the couch and reaching for her TV remote. _If it's that easy to parent a kid..._

Her throat clenched.

If it was really that easy to parent a kid...

Why the hell hadn't her own mother ever bothered with making an effort?

It was _barely_ any effort! Even by Asha's standards! But even she could do it!

So why - why couldn't her mother do it for her?

Why had the woman seemed to never _want to_?

Asha lost herself in her thoughts and television.

A motion in the corner of her eye jarred her out of it all.

"Hey, uh - kid. Harry?" Asha tried to smile at the kid. Her kid, now. "Do you want something?"

Harry turned and pointed a shaky finger at the clock.

Asha turned too, and she felt her insides squirm. The clock read 6:12. She jumped to her feet, face hot, insides still made of snakes. "Right - sorry, I- time got away from me, I...let me make you something real quick!"

Asha almost tripped on her way to the kitchen, throwing herself at the cabinets to begin scouring them. What was a kid his age supposed to eat? She'd always just had whatever she wanted...

Well, on TV they always went on about health, fruits and vegetables, didn't they?

That had to be a better guide to life than her own.

Asha pulled out a can of peaches - tapped her wand to it and popped it open - nodding to herself in satisfaction. She grabbed up some pasta and tomato sauce and started boiling up some water on the stovetop. A little noise made her jolt and turn - right, Harry was still here. She grabbed a fork and walked to the table and set the can down, pulled the chair out. Looked to the kid. "Here - you eat this while I get the other stuff ready. I'll pour you a glass of..." What did she have? She went to her fridge to investigate that: nothing. Except - aha! She had a bit of milk still left in a carton. Asha took it out and gave a sniff, inspected it for the date - it was still good. She hastily poured it into a glass and came back to the table with it. Set it in front of Harry. She returned to the stove feeling pretty pleased with herself.

Now she just had to get the spaghetti all finished up, and she could call herself a damn good mom for her first time at it.

* * *

After a nice sit down dinner - something Asha rarely ever did - she flicked her wand and zipped their plates into the sink for later cleaning.

She wandered her way back into the living room; so did Harry. He was always right there, close behind her. Brushing against her legs.

Asha fell onto the couch and felt for her remote again.

The boy was standing there, still, staring at her.

If Asha had been her own mother, she'd have just ignored him until he went away. But she couldn't be that way - that wasn't the way to _be_ , was it?

So she looked him in the face, meeting his stares with her own. "Do you want something again?"

"W-where's the bathroom please?"

"Just - first door on the left, right next to your room. Just- do- do your thing and don't worry about it."

"Thank you!" Harry nodded and scurried off.

_Thank god._

Asha took a few moments to listen, at least to make sure the kid was doing okay back there. If he tripped, or fell in, or bonked his head... Her insides squirmed at the thought.

When she heard the toilet flush, she let a breath go and decided it was safe to get back to her show now.

Unfortunately, Harry came walking into the living room again a few moments later.

Asha looked at him again, sitting forward this time. "What, kid?"

"Can I take a bath please?"

"Why are you asking?" Asha shook her head. She'd never asked for anything - whenever she'd _tried_ , her mother hadn't given her anything but an absent little word to "leave her alone already." Only rarely had she ever actually indulged Asha - on anything. "Just go get in and use it, okay? Just...whenever you feel like you want to use it." She paused. "Look, Harry - just make sure you're clean every day, and I'll be- happy with you," she said finally, trying to sound like a parent actually would. But the words were still just so jarring in her head, in her mouth.

Harry smiled at her, a big one. "Ok! Thank you!" And he was gone again.

Asha appreciated his speed. And alone with herself again, she found a smile on her own face, and a warm sort of glow in her chest. Harry was cute, she admitted it. _Her kid_ was cute. She should probably tell him that sometime, shouldn't she? She knew she would have liked to have heard something like that from her mother at least once in her life. And she couldn't imagine Harry's aunt or uncle had ever said anything like that to him before - very much the opposite. The worst things imaginable. Swearing, insults, jeers.

Whatever Asha's mother was - or wasn't - at least she had never hurled insults or names at Asha. At least she'd never hit her. She couldn't have been bothered to; she'd only ever just sort of...tolerated Asha's presence in the house with her, but never really acknowledging her except when she got in her way.

Asha decided she'd better do it now, before she forgot to - she really did have an awful memory, and a bad habit of getting distracted. And she also told herself it was a good excuse to go check on the kid, make sure he didn't slip in the tub and smack his head bloody. Parents did that sort of thing - good ones, anyways. Didn't they? She got up and went into the hall, opened the door to the bathroom.

"Hey, Harry." she greeted, walking in. To her relief, he didn't look about to hit his head on anything. He was quite happy and relaxed in the tub, full of bubbles as it was. Or, he was, until she walked in.

"D-did I do something wrong, ma'am?" He slumped down in the tub, eyes wide and lips parted.

"What? No." Asha blew a breath out. How did she manage to screw everything up just by existing? Maybe her mother had had a point, then. Why had she even come in here again? _Oh, yeah._ "Harry - you're a cute kid, okay?"

"Really?"

"Yeah..." She'd said it right, hadn't she?

"Thank you!" Harry was beaming at her. Not cowering anymore. That was something, wasn't it?

A lot of something.

Asha felt pleased with herself. "Yeah, well...you're welcome." She left him be, shutting the door behind her.

The rest of the night went pretty smoothly - normally. No more disturbances - Harry stayed in his room.

At around midnight, Asha decided to check in on the kid before heading to bed. He was sound asleep in the dark.

She went to sleep in her own room, right across from Harry's, with the nice thought that she could actually do this - and do it well.


	2. Morning Events

Asha went about her morning routine as usual.

Wake up, shower, dress - go make a nice breakfast.

She was just scooping the contents of the pan onto a plate when a little series of thumping footsteps sounded behind her.

Asha turned, half raising her wand-

"Oh, shit! H- hey- H-Harry!" Asha choked on her own words and shoved her wand into her waistband, face burning. Her eyes took the boy in more properly; small, cute as ever, and _hers_. Her boy. Her kid. Her Harry. _Right, I have a kid now - I'm a mother- a MOM now._ Her eyes found the plate of egg and bacon bits. Extreme guilt rose up like a wave in the ocean, crashing against her insides. She took the plate up and moved to set it on the table. "Here's- breakfast for you. I- made it for you. So...go ahead - enjoy it. I'll make my own plate up; you just focus on yours. We don't have to both sit down for it like last night. In fact, let's only do that for dinners, okay? Breakfasts and lunches can be...our own things, on our own."

Harry looked at her with bright green eyes, beaming at her again in that way that just...made all her guilty feelings intensify. He clambered up onto the chair and started wolfing down his plate immediately.

Asha's guilt assauged, she _did_ go on to make her own meal - which she took with her to eat in the living room, as she usually did.

Harry was long done by then, and had gone from the kitchen.

Clues to his location included a door opening and closing, and the sound of the bathtub running.

Asha nodded to herself, her guilt now entirely gone. She was _good_ at this, wasn't she? Her words from last night had obviously stuck with the boy. Her parental, smart words to him. This had just been a...a morning lapse. A first morning, foggy brained, after an eventful evening prior, so totally out of the norm that...it was going to take a lot of getting used to! Yeah, that was it. It wasn't as if she'd tried to forget him, done it on purpose! It had just been...a mistake. A little forgetfulness. She was forgetful normally, anyways. Of course she'd forget something like this. But she wouldn't again, she told herself firmly. Today was the first real day of parenthood, and she'd prove how damn good she was at it - especially compared to her own mother.

"G-good morning." Harry's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey," Asha responded. She looked Harry over. "You're still wearing that?"

Harry blushed, dithering. "I'm sorry. I d-don't have anything else..."

"Right - okay." Asha shook her head. "Well, we'll go fix that in a couple of hours here. I'll buy you some new clothes, and-" She stopped. "Tell you what, I'll...take you with me. We can make it a day out; you can pick whatever you like yourself."

"Thank you!"

"It's no big deal." _Liar. It would have been the_ biggest _deal to_ you _..._

Asha thought she'd done something great, and that was that - that it was over with. That the kid would move on already. But Harry _just kept looking at her_. She really had to figure out if this was normal (she could find a book, maybe). She didn't know if she should tell him to stop staring so much, or just let him because that was what kids usually _did_. Normal kids, that was. How was she supposed to know anything?

"What is it, Harry?" she said, fighting for more patience. What hadn't she done for him so far? He had a room, he'd taken a bath, he'd had breakfast, she'd promised to buy him new clothes...what else could he want? _Well,_ a voice in her head whispered. _what did_ you _want as a girl?_

She'd wanted a lot of things, she snapped back at the voice. She rarely got anything. How was she even meant to _know_ what Harry could possibly want? What any kid wanted? Any _normal_ kid? Not just what they wanted but...what they were _supposed to have_?

Harry shuffled there some more, before he finally, hesitantly moved forward and threw himself at her legs.

He was hugging her - hugging her legs!

Asha froze.

Harry looked up at her, eyes imploring. Then he was clambering onto her lap, wholesale!

Asha's chest was squeezing. Her hand moved, fingers grasping her wand hilt-

She stopped herself with all her willpower. She stomped down on _that_. On all of it.

 _This_ was what she'd wanted as a kid - once, a long time ago. But she'd never gotten it.

But Harry could have it.

She could give it to him.

Asha could _let him_ just...be here. Couldn't she?

It wouldn't be bad, it wouldn't- she could still watch her shows, she could stay in her own head, she didn't _have to_ do anything but...let the kid sit there. Sit on _her_.

A good parent would do it - any parent _not_ her mother. She was sure of it.

She just...had to not...not...

 _That's not me, I'm not_ her _, I won't do that to him, I can't do that to him...normal parents don't do that...normal kids don't have to feel so awful inside, they don't have to cry all the time because they just can't...This is for_ him _, not_ me _! I took him in for_ him _, whatever I_ do _has to be for_ him _! This- me- it doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter. It can't matter. Just...for a few minutes. Just a few minutes. Just don't...matter. You have a lot of practice with that, don't you?_

Asha let her wand go, and slowly sat back on the couch, shifting her legs under the boy's body. She drew a breath, let it go. Just as slowly, carefully, she reached for the remote, took it up as usual. Flipped on her favorite station.

She kept her eyes rapt to the television, her back straight, her shoulders tensed.

A minute passed like this, between the two of them.

Harry was the opposite of Asha; relaxed, contented. He proved this when he suddenly laid himself down against her body, his face on her chest.

Asha grew even more rigid at this full body contact of his. Every muscle, every part of her was just- constricting and screaming- just PUSH, just MOVE, GET RID OF IT, GET IT OFF!

She was tunnel visioned on the television. She shoved her hands under her thighs, breathing shallow breaths.

How long was this going to go on for? How long would the kid want to stay like this with her?

How long would Asha have wanted to be like this with her mother, if she could have? If mother had ever let her?

_Forever...if I could have..._

Well, to the Asha of today, that might be going too far.

She glanced at the clock, deciding she'd shove the boy off her after the ten minute mark.

That was good, that was a limit, that was a goal - she could do that. She could handle that.

She thought it was fair enough, for herself, and for Harry.

But mostly for Harry.

Right?

Asha didn't notice when a full hour had been lost to her here. Here with Harry.

* * *

"Okay, get up, kid."

Asha was just bringing her hands up to push Harry off her when the boy did it of his own free will. He leaped up quickly, wobbling - then straightening.

She stood - flicked her wand to summon her enchanted purse, then grabbed the boy's hand and apparated them.

Immediately on appearing in Diagon Alley, Harry fell over, almost bringing Asha down with him. She let him go on sheer instinct (and because that discomforting squeezing in her chest was mounting with every moment longer she spent holding his hand, and she _really_ wanted to let it go already) - hence, she let it both go.

Harry landed on the alley floor with a little cry.

Passersby gave him looks. Gave _her_ looks!

Asha swiftly seized Harry by the arm and pulled him up again - and let him go just as quickly. "Are you okay, Harry?"

Harry gave her a quick nod, eyes wide as he gazed up at her. "I'm ok! I'm just not- not used to doing...THAT!"

"Apparition."

"Appa- that."

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes ma'am!"

Asha let a breath go. "Okay. Come on, then." At least, she mused as she set off down the alley, there wasn't going to be a chance of losing Harry in the crowd; he maintained his usual, entirely uncomfortable distance to her - nearly right up against her ass. The boy was practically about to step on her heels! As long as he didn't, she wasn't going to make him stop. This was normal for a kid, right? A little kid? And a little kid who'd had an awful home life before?

Asha decided to definitely stop by a bookshop and look into that.

She had to at least try.

Although...

Asha had never payed any attention to others around her - preferring to stay in on herself, everywhere, in all ways. Well, preference as much as habit of life. But, anyways...now that she _was_ looking, she did spy two witches and a little girl further on down the alley. They were walking together, quite close. But not nearly as close as Harry was to her. Though, the girl was holding one of the womens' hands. _Damnit._

Asha stopped; Harry ran smack into her backside, bouncing off her with a little gasp. She turned to look at him. Took a deep breath. "Here. So I don't lose you - I can keep you in my sight," she made up on the spot (although, she thought it might not have been entirely untrue). That was something a real parent would say, wasn't it? She grabbed his hand, held it loosely as she could. Another breath, and she set off again, pulling him along beside her now - like the family ahead.

More or less.

She must have done something really right, all her own discomforts aside, because while Harry wasn't exactly _bouncing_ like the girl was, he _did_ have a huge smile on his face now.

_Normal parenting techniques are actually really effective - and mother never once did this one with me, even out in public - what a surprise!_

Still, Asha hoped she didn't have to keep it up for too long.

As soon as they'd entered the clothing shop, she looked down at Harry and wondered if it was safe to let him go now. She'd done a lot for him today already - a lot of hard things for him. He'd been really happy so far. Would he stay happy if she let go now?

Was it okay for him to _not_ be happy for a bit?

Could Asha stand it if she had to look at him and see a frown on that little face?

She didn't need any more guilt.

"What can I help you with, Ms.?"

Asha eyed the shopkeep, figuratively throwing up her hands and deciding to not even decide at all yet. She was already doing this, wasn't it easier to just keep doing it? "I'm here to get my- kid- some new clothes."

"Mmmm, yes, I can see why." The old witch smiled at Harry - after a dirty look at Asha! "What's your name, dear?"

"Harry, ma'am."

"How long ago did your mother give you _these_ clothes?" The old witch gestured at Harry in general.

"I didn't buy him that crap," Asha said sharply. "That was his last family; that's why we're here now. I just adopted him the other day."

Harry flushed intensely, looking down at his feet.

The old witch's gaze softened. For Asha finally, as much as for Harry already. "I see. My apologies, Ms...?"

"We're here to get him some clothes," Asha threw out, stalking past the woman - dragging Harry with her. Her chest was clenching tight now. "Help us with that or stay out of the way, would you?"

"I truly meant no offense, Ms. Of course - just, how old is he?"

"Six."

"The farthest aisle on the left, towards the back, then, for you. A bit expensive, but if you're in a hurry they'll adjust to fit him quite nicely within a size range that should cover a boy his age."

Asha started for the aisle. Her chest eased.

"Okay," she began, giving Harry a look. She gestured to the rows of clothing articles. "Look at all this and figure out what you want. We'll get you enough to change clothes every day of the week."

Asha had really expected Harry to be over the moon at this - she would have been. But he wasn't. He just looked nervous, and even a bit scared now.

"What?" she managed to get out to him, suppressing a sigh. What was he even looking like that for? She'd been so good to him today, she'd done- _everything_ a parent should, and probably even more!

"I...I don't know what to get..."

Asha _did_ sigh now. Although... _That_ will _make this all go a lot faster; I won't have to spend nearly as much time hanging around out here._ "Okay. Stand here - I'll grab you some things."

But that still left the problem that she had no idea what Harry liked. She had no idea what to get him, any more than he did himself, apparently! Well, she told herself she could just do what she'd done last time to avoid that problem, when she'd bought him his furniture before even meeting him - buy at random and hope it was good.

Asha pulled some tunics, some pants, some shorts, some nice robes, a few neat little skirts, a dress, a few pairs of underwear and socks of a variety of colors and designs, and lastly (in a rare feat of planning ahead), suitable winter garb. Boots, a good coat, gloves and a hat. The whole thing.

She strode for the front with her arms loaded, dumping it all on the counter. She dug into her purse and tossed the appropriate number of galleons out at the shopkeep.

The old witch gave her another nasty look, but took her money all the same before waving her off.

Asha flourished her wand to send all of Harry's clothes flying into her purse and started for the door.

She was stopped and yanked back by a sudden hand grabbing at hers.

_What the hell? Oh, right, that again... Okay. Sure._

Asha took Harry's hand properly and left with him.

As they walked down the alley, Asha's attention was caught by the nice set of tables outside an ice cream parlor. There was only one other family there, and only a few random one-offs hanging about by themselves. A slow day. The place had always caught her attention as a little girl - though she'd never once dared to speak up and ask her mother to actually walk her over there. As an adult, she had been there a few times now, but...it had never changed her dreams from _back then_ , her wishes _at the time_...her fantasies of a life with a mother who...

"Hey, Harry, why don't we make a bit of a stop before heading home?"

If anything else, it would be a nice excuse to let go of Harry's hand again for a while.


	3. Giving A Bit More, Getting A Bit Educated

"You really want to do this again?"

Harry, having just climbed into her lap again on the couch, gave a very enthusiastic nod. "Please!"

Asha mentally threw up her hands. Physically, she _did_ shrug at the boy. With very rigid, tight shoulders. "Okay. But I'm pushing you off after...an hour of this, got it?" She gestured to the clock viciously; that _was_ how long it had gone on for yesterday morning, hadn't it? It had been way more than generous on her part! "I mean it, kid."

"Yes, ma'am! Thank you!" Harry was already squirming his little body against hers, burying his face in her chest.

Asha's face grew tight. She forced a breath and did as yesterday, and went on with her morning ignoring the new weight on her legs.

A surprisingly quick hour later, and Harry opted to remove _himself_ from her lap; Asha was pleased for more than one reason.

But even though Harry had vacated himself from her person (relieving all the tension in her body at last), the boy didn't leave her presence. Instead, he just sat himself down right at her feet, just barely not touching her legs, and he put his eyes on the television.

Asha gazed down at the back of his head, that messy black hair. He _really_ wanted to hang around her, didn't he? Because of his screwed up past family life? _Well, as long as he isn't climbing all over me again, I don't mind this._

It was easy enough for her to forget he was even in the room with her.

After a few more hours like this, however, the beginnings of guilt wormed up inside her. She acted fast to squash it.

"Hey, Harry?"

"Yes, ma'am?" he said swiftly, turning to gaze up at her so fast she thought he might've hurt his neck!

"Don't you want to go play with those stuffed animals I got you? Or try on your new clothes? Or read some of those books I put in there...?"

Harry looked stricken.

Asha sighed. "Fine, okay - look, if you really want to stay near me so much, go get whatever you want out of your room and come sit out here with it. I don't like having to see you...just- just sitting there doing nothing." There, that was a good compromise - a good, parenty thing to do, right?

"Y-yes, ma'am!" Harry scrambled to his feet and ran from the living room. He returned a moment later with an armful of stuffed animals, and some magical kid's picture books. He dumped it all on the floor - again, riiiight in front of Asha - and sat himself down again with a nice smile on his face.

Asha watched him hug and squeeze on a large stuffed blue penguin, and set two smaller ones on his own lap. He scrutinized the picture books before taking one up and flipping it open on the carpet. Asha nodded to herself, the guilt evaporating, and watched some television.

This setup between them would become daily routine - easy and nice.

* * *

"These last few days, you've gone through and worn everything I bought you now _except_ the robes, the skirts, and the dresses. Why?"

Asha was baffled. Completely _baffled_.

Though, Harry seemed to think she was _angry_ or something; he was sitting on his little bed with his little arms around his little knees. He was even shaking a little! It was just - really sad.

Asha tried to smile, hoped that would help - it usually did, she'd figured out during the past few days together now. It didn't help this time. He didn't smile back.

Harry ducked his head and mumbled something out. Long, unintelligible.

Asha strode over to the bed and sat herself down with him. "What'd you just say, Harry?"

Harry glanced at her with sheer fright. Then, in the smallest voice he whispered out: "M-my uncle s-says _boys_ don't wear things like _those_ \- he says it's for sissies and faggots."

 _Oh. Right - he's had an entirely muggle upbringing._ Although Asha was half-blooded - witch mother, muggle father - she didn't have any memory of a father in her life whatsoever, and had only ever had her mother. And as consequence, only ever had the magical world to go by as far as social and cultural norms. Which in no way included calling people disgusting words for what they chose to wear. Hell, robes were the norm! Skirts and dresses by extension. _Backwards muggle societies - what kind of sense even is it to separate and restrict_ clothing _by gender? Or anything, really?_

"Maybe he did - but you know what I say?" Asha spoke, putting her smile back on again. "I say, as your _mom_ now, that clothes are just clothes, and that your uncle is a fucking jackass. Got it?"

Harry did smile a little - he even giggled, wide eyed as always as he did. He nodded at her and unfurled himself. "Ok!"

"Great. So, we've sorted that out now?" Asha asked. A good parent would check - make sure.

Harry gave another nod, more certain this time. His smile a bit bigger.

"Great," she repeated, standing. "Now go take a bath - put something clean on." She strode for the door, stopped with her hand on it. Asha looked at him over her shoulder. "I'm sure you'll look as cute as ever, no matter what you've got on. Maybe even cuter." It was easy enough to say, and once she'd said it once already to him, she had found it had become easier to have it in mind and say it again.

It always had a nice effect on Harry. One that made Asha feel good inside for causing it.

She was getting good at this mom stuff, wasn't she?

At least, that was what she _thought_ \- until very late that same night.

* * *

"What the HELL are you DOING?!"

Asha sat upright in her bed, heart pounding, wand clasped, partially concealed, under the blankets that had fallen down to her waist.

Harry was quivering and crying as he stood at her bedside. "I- I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry! I just- I h-had a bad d-dream and I j-just wanted to..."

"Wanted to WHAT?" Asha managed to grind out.

Harry let out a little noise. High, irritating - _heart-wrenching_. "B-be w-with my mom t-tonight...You l-let me sit on your lap e-every day now; I w-won't even be sitting on you this time! I'll just be b-beside you!"

Asha breathed. And breathed. And then breathed some more. _Shit, I can't argue with that. And he does like this touching stuff; as his mom, it's probably best to just let him. Even if it still does nothing good for me, personally. A good parent would say yes..._ "O-okay." Asha choked out, staring straight ahead. "But just for tonight; you're not putting me through this again. Got it? If you have any more bad dreams, just...stay in your room and try to- try to get over it. Okay?" It was in _his_ head, not hers - what did he even expect _her_ to do for him? A memory charm?

"I p-promise, please!" Harry cried, desperation in his little voice. "J-just once!"

Asha blew a breath and pulled her wand from the covers, ran a hand through her hair. She waved her wand in front of her with a shaking hand. "You know I could have really hurt you tonight with this! I wake up and I have some noisy, shrill, small black shadow figure right there in front of my face - right in my room - I could have...You could have been anything! _Fu_ _ck, Harry, I could have blown your head off!_ "

"I'm s-sorry, I didn't m-mean to wake you up, I just thought-!"

"Ugh! Okay, stop, stop! Harry, just - it doesn't matter now, whatever - just shut up and get up here already, okay? Fucking _hell_!"

Harry was still blubbering and sniffling as he crawled into her bed with her, burrowing under the covers and pressing himself to her wholesale.

Asha rolled over and away from him, shoulders tight and hunched. She tossed her wand over the side very firmly when he pushed himself against her whole bared backside, resisting every urge in her then that made her feel awful (including the one that was to just roll right back over and shove him off her bed and forget the whole thing).

But she couldn't; Harry wanted this, he _needed_ this - to be near her, to touch her - kids were supposed to do this, to have this. Asha thought she knew _that much_ by now (hadn't she herself once wanted this too, instinctively?). And that meant that no matter what, she had to let him have it.

But did he have to need it so _often_? It was the middle of the night; it was just ridiculous!

And how was laying in bed with her supposed to help him with this bad dream shit, anyways?

_God, I'm going to lose so much sleep tonight..._

And she _did_.

* * *

 _Why did she even agree to do this?_ That was her first groggy thought on waking next morning.

She was twisted up and tight, her eyes hurt, and there was that discomforting _warmth_ against her back.

Asha scooted away and slipped off the bed - hit the floor with a thump. She felt something against her flank - her wand, she realized, reaching under herself and straightening again.

She looked to Harry there in her bed. Tiny, pale, skinny...breathing soundly, looking so relaxed, so cute...

And very awake.

Harry's eyes found her, traveling swiftly up her bared body to focus in on her face. He was silent, still as a statue. Just looking at her with those eyes. Scared eyes, she realized. Annoyance flashed in her; why was he like this with her? She'd let him stay in her bed, she hadn't hurt him (though she could have, and had wanted to, to a point).

Asha stared back at him before just shrugging and stepping around the bed and heading for the door. She stumbled her way to the kitchen and downed a big glass of cold water, then she started making breakfast for Harry (a habit she'd formed only as fast as she had, honestly, because Harry never let her forget him; he was _always_ around her somewhere, except when he absolutely couldn't be).

This morning wasn't an exception - though she wished it was. Harry came wandering in, properly clothed and bathed, some ten minutes later. He sat at the table with a smile, hands in his lap as he swung his legs beneath him.

 _At least he's happy,_ Asha told herself, moving to set his food in front of him. She left him to it, then, heading for the bathroom - and for a nice shower. _That's what this is all about, right? That's what parenting is about. Make the kid happy, make them healthy, make sure they don't get hurt and...there you go. Job well done. I took on the job, I accepted it - to be a mom to this boy, to raise him - and I'm not going to back out of it now. Even if it's going to be...really hard sometimes. Even my own mother didn't just abandon me - she never just gave up on raising me._

Of course, Asha reflected, when one of the most famous, most powerful old wizards in the world came to you and personally asked you to adopt one of the most famous _kids_ in the whole world, you didn't just say no - or dare to think about backing out after accepting the job from him.

You tried, you put real effort into it.

You had to.

You even made some sacrifices - like comfort, and peace and quiet...and a good night's sleep.

All for that boy you took on.

At least Asha hadn't had to give up what little money she even had - Dumbledore had promised her, and delivered on, a damn generous stipend for her to use to keep Harry (and herself) happy in life, paid monthly, in addition to her own earnings from work.

Work that Asha would have to go back to in another few days, the sobering thought struck her under the shower waters.

She'd almost used up all her parental leave time - thank god she had so much of it stored up, owing to the fact she'd never in her life expected to actually use it!

But that brought up a troubling question: what the hell was she going to do about Harry then?

 _What do other parents_ _do?_ A voice spoke up in her head.

 _I've never payed attention to other parents!_ Asha bit out at the voice, frustrated.

 _Well, start,_ the voice replied firmly. _If you want to be better for Harry, you need to really start. More effort. More trying. You know you haven't been doing that as much as you could be- or maybe even should be..._

_Okay, okay - I think I have a co-worker who has kids who I could ask about it._

_That's the spirit. And what about that book you were going to look into getting? What happened to that?_

_You know I'm damn forgetful!_

_I know - but it's awful when you forget about a kid..._

_Fine, I'll look into that, too - today!_

_You better. Commit before you forget again._

Asha finished her shower with a new resolve in her soul.

For Harry.

She went to the kitchen - found it empty.

Where she found Harry was in the living room, sat out on the floor like was their usual arrangement.

He was on his stomach, flipping through a picture book with brightly colored unicorns, and nice words about friendship and love. He was humming to himself, he was kicking his legs.

Asha smiled at the sight. She felt better after her shower - better after solving her internal crisis and problems to come.

"Hey, Harry, how about you get up for me and we can go to Diagon Alley again - we can even stop by Fortesque's again. I need to...take care of some stuff, and I don't want to just leave you here." That was the pure truth; her mother would always come and go, without regard for whether Asha was even aware she was gone or not - or for how long she was gone. Asha couldn't leave him like that, she was sure that wasn't really a good parent thing to do. And she was even more sure that Harry would love having ice cream again after the stressful night they'd had together.

Harry proved her right by jumping to his feet with a face-splitting smile. His green eyes sparkled at her, and he bounced over to her and seized her hand immediately.

Asha pulled her hand from _his_ grasp instantly, then grabbed onto him with loose fingers. "Okay, let's go now - try not to fall over this time, Harry. I don't need you getting hurt and getting bad looks sent my way again."

"Yes, ma'am, I promise not to this time!" Harry was just so damn earnest...

"Sure. I believe you, Harry," she told him. She accio'd her purse to hand, then focused her mind on destination - and the world shifted.

On appearing in the Alley together, Asha took a moment to watch Harry; he swayed, he looked a bit sick, but he straightened (and gripped her hand harder than she liked).

Harry looked up at her with that big smile of his. "I didn't fall over, see!"

Asha smiled with relief. "You didn't - good. Now come on."

She pulled him along, weaving between the crowds, heading for nearest bookshop. Unlike their trip a week ago, it was actually packed this time.

Asha couldn't stand it; she quickened her pace and gripped Harry's hand harder - for the sole sake of getting _him_ to keep up with her.

That added discomfort didn't do much good for her disposition.

"Welcome to-" A mage began cheerily, as soon as Asha and Harry had made it inside.

"I need books on parenting an abused kid; I'm a new mom - new to all of this." Asha ground out between clenched teeth. "Is there anything you have in here that can help me? Please?"

The mage peered at her, then at Harry - then back to her. They nodded seriously. "You seem quite overwhelmed by it all, yes. But fear not: there are plenty of resources here for you to peruse in your own time. And I'm sure you're aware there are more serious, active sources of help to be found in the Ministry, and even at St. Mungo's? Have you considered consulting a member of the Department of Child-Rearing Services? Is your young lad here enrolled into any of the educational courses they offer freely as alternative to homeschooling? Or perhaps a mind-healer specializing in children could be made an appointment with, for the boy to talk to about-"

"No, I haven't done any of that, okay!" Asha exclaimed, pained, ducking her head. "I don't- know where to start. That's why I'm..."

"Why you thought to stop by here, yes. It's fine and good to want to do things yourself, dear, but I daresay a mere book or two on the subject won't get you very far. All children have needs, and children like you say you want help with...they have even more unique needs."

"Just find something, please?"

A heavy sigh. "Alright, then, Ms. But I strongly insist you make your next stop after here the Ministry. Parenting cannot just be picked up on and mastered from out of a book."

Asha sighed right back. "He's going to Hogwarts, okay? That part is- fine. I'll see about a mind-healer, and I'll...take him to the Ministry after this. I just need something I can have for myself - while we're at home."

"Perfectly understandable. I'll see what we have here. One moment, please..."

Asha breathed when the mage had turned away from her and went searching through the shelves.

The mage returned with three thick books stacked. They handed them over to Asha. "Now, this one at the top here has plenty of-"

"How much for these?" Asha interrupted, tipping them into her bag without care.

The mage pursed their lips at her. "I suppose you are in a hurry, if you want to make it to the Ministry, and St. Mungo's too...that'll be twenty-five galleons."

"Thanks." Asha flicked her wand and floated some galleons into the air; the mage snatched them from the air and stored them in a jingling pouch at their waist. She looked down at Harry. "Ready to apparate again?"

Harry nodded, his little face set. "Yes!"

"Great." Asha disapparated from the alley, reappearing in the Ministry Atrium. She swiftly crossed the atrium to the front desk.

"Greetings to you, Ms. What business do you have at the Ministry today?"

Asha threw a look down to Harry - a gesture. "I'm Asha Lorr - this is Harry. Harry Potter. I'm sure you've read the Prophet..."

"Harry Potter!" The witch leaned over the desk to peer at him, a wide smile on her face. "Why, I did read all about the ruling, yes!"

Harry ducked his head and flushed a deep red.

Asha took another step forward and snapped her fingers. "So we've got that cleared up - great. I need to get something set up for him to continue his education - he was at a muggle school before."

The witch drew herself up, eyeing Asha. "He can't go to one still now?"

"I'd like to homeschool him," Asha said simply. She wasn't going to just dump him somewhere else and not see him all day! She'd promised. She'd promised to _try_.

"I see. Well then, take the elevator to level seven - Department of Magical Education. Someone will doubtless be available to sit down with you and provide you with whatever you require."

"Thank you - Harry, come on."

Harry happily complied with her.

He hopped up and down in the lift, excitement shining in his eyes.

Asha gave him a little smile and strode out with him onto the Department floor.

She walked up to the nearest wizard at a desk. Sat herself down across from him. She didn't let Harry go; he stood next to her, quite happy not to be let go.

"I'm Asha Lorr - this is Harry Potter," she spoke clearly. "I need homeschool materials. Some sort of schedule to set up for him to follow at home. You know?"

"Oh, I know, Ms. Lorr." The wizard gave a sharp nod - a glance around. A glance at Harry. "I'll be more than happy to help you with this. To help young Mr. Potter with this!"

"Great. So what can you do for us?"

"Well..." The wizard began thoughtfully.

* * *

_"Parents who weren’t parented well when they were young may not fully appreciate how much their children need their time and attention. And sometimes it’s a matter of temperament. Some children just need more interaction than others. This can be especially challenging to a parent who by nature doesn’t need as much connection as their child does."_

_"Parents who were themselves neglected, who are temperamentally more distant, or who are struggling with mental illness need to work to overcome their own issues for the sake of their children’s psychological welfare. Little kids need to be cuddled, played with, talked to, read to, and tucked in at night to be emotionally secure and strong..."_

_"_ _Give attention for appropriate behavior. Look for opportunities to make a positive comment, to pat a child on the shoulder, to share an activity, and to have a conversation. Fill up the attention hole with good stuff as many times a day as you can."_

_**"** When the child misbehaves, resist the temptation to lecture, nag, scold, yell, or punish. Negative reactions will only keep the negative interaction going."_

_"Be consistent. It’s the only way children know we mean what we say."_

_"It’s normal to need attention from others. In fact, it’s a fundamental human need. Kids who are secure in the knowledge that the adults in their lives are interested in them don’t need to act up — at least most of the time. (Everyone can have an off-day now and then.) By filling them up with love and attention and by consistently redirecting negative behaviors, we can help our children learn how to get and give the positive attention that is fundamental to healthy relationships..."_

Asha blew a breath out and set the book aside, laying back on her bed in late evening light. _Well, that describes me to a "T." Scary T..._

What she got out of all this...was that she really needed to be doing way more than what she was now. Way, way more!

Cuddles, playing with, talking to...reading to? Tucking in at night?

_How much shit did I miss out on?!_

Asha slapped a hand to her face and rolled over, drawing her knees in.

A shaking breath let loose, eyes closed softly as vision blurred.

She blinked rapidly; water spilled free.

_Well fuck, maybe I missed out on all that, but I'm not going to be the one to make Harry miss out on it all! He deserves to have it all, when I never did._


End file.
